Category: Transcripts

Episode Two – Embracing Authenticity

Posted on by webladydee

 Hello and welcome to Dawnings. I am your host, Dawn Stilwell, and this episode is coming to you from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. My husband and I have come up north to Ottawa for the week to spend some time with family. It was a beautiful drive yesterday, nine degrees Celsius and sunny, and we were bombing through the countryside.

Just enjoying a beautiful spring day, and today we woke up to six inches of snow, high winds and the power out.  Yeah, the weather’s just a little bit different up here in Ottawa than it is in southwestern Ontario where we live. So, um that’s the weather report from Ottawa on April the eighth, 2025.

Right now I’m curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace watching the fluffy snow float by the window. And today I would like to talk about embracing authenticity.

Now, when I say embracing authenticity, what I’m really talking about is you being your true self, your authentic self. There are so many people out there who are not living a life where they are being their authentic self. And I’m going to talk from my own past, to dig up some examples that hopefully you can relate to.

I think one of the first places where we give up our authenticity is at school. You know, we start school and we want nothing more than to be accepted by our friends. In the younger grades, that’s usually not a problem. But we get a little bit older and all of a sudden you don’t wanna stand out as an individual.

You wanna kind of blend in so that, people will accept you. So I think that’s one of the first places we learn. To give up our authenticity to be something other than what we are in order to be accepted. And it doesn’t happen just in school. Sometimes it happens in our homes, depending on what kind of family you live with.

If you live with a dysfunctional family, you might find that you have to hide your true self in order to survive living in that family. And I know that, particular statement is going to resonate with a lot of people. And if that’s the way you grew up, I am so sorry. It’s unfortunate, to grow up in a home where you’re not allowed to be yourself in my home.

I’m not gonna talk about what went on in my home, but, we were sternly, admonished that what went on at home stayed at home. We weren’t allowed to talk about what went on at home and that that was actually a harmful thing because something’s needed to be spoken about. And that’s just another way where authenticity was squashed in my life and really, I came up in a generation where it seemed really important to parents that.

Outside appearances should be that we were a good upstanding family. Not very many of us came from like truly good and upstanding families, where, you know, nothing bad happened and children weren’t traumatized and parents never lost their tempers and things like that. So home is another place where we learn to curb our authenticity.

To hide our true selves. Now I’m going to talk about something that is not normally brought up in a civil conversation. I’m going to talk about a bad experience at church. 20 years ago, I left a particular church that I was in and that came on the heels of my husband and I separating. It turned out it was probably one of the better things that happened in my life, but at the time it was devastating.

But here’s where I was. I had been in the church and I desired to be in ministry, and I was in the music ministry. I was a church librarian, and my husband and I were doing bible studies and cell groups. And this was the thrust of what I thought I wanted and what I thought I should be doing as a good Christian woman.

And the pastor’s wife became my good friend. And her influence I thought in the beginning was good, but later on, I found her judging me. For not being everything that she was. I mean, she was a great cook and she fed her children well, and she read them Bible stories and she had very well-behaved, well-mannered children and her husband was always happy with her.

And that wasn’t necessarily how things were at my house. But really what came with it was a bit of judgment and kind of. Using the Bible to hit me over the head. So I, I heated what she had to say, but what eventually happened is I was twisting myself into somebody else in order to please her.

And at the same time, she’s trying to influence the type of wife I was. So, I was twisting myself to be someone that I wasn’t at home with my husband and children and all of that. Made me feel kind of icky inside. Like, this isn’t right. Well, I think my heart knew, but the brain hadn’t caught up to my heart.

So because I wasn’t being me, I wasn’t being the woman that my then husband married, he decided he had enough and moved on. And during that time, I looked to the church and to the pastor’s wife. For help because I was very devastated. I had been with my first husband, since the age of 13. So like we were high school sweethearts and we married a couple years after I graduated and he was done college.

So, you know, we’d been together a long time. I didn’t know how to live without him, but really, I didn’t even know how to live being myself because I hadn’t been myself, my true, authentic self. For a really long time. All that to say is that, not living a life where you are true to yourself, where you’re living in authenticity, you’re gonna be miserable.

And I have to tell you, I may have acted happy on the outside and showed a shiny, smiley face at church, but inside I was miserable. Because I was trying to be all these things that I truly wasn’t, and the thing is I was good enough just the way I was, but I couldn’t see it and I couldn’t accept it.

That only came with about a decade’s worth of hindsight. And so my encouragement to you today is that. If you are not living an authentic life, like where you are truly being yourself, the person that you truly are or that you truly want to be, maybe it’s time to step back and have a good deep look at a good deep look.

Have a good deep look. Your life and, and see where those areas are, where you’re not living authentically. I used to be a very self-conscious, teen and young adult. If people looked at me, I would be concerned that, oh, do I look right as my hair, right?

Do I look fat in these clothes? And that’s no way to live. Maturity kind of brings you a level of confidence where you don’t care so much about that stuff. I mean, I walk with my head how high everywhere, and I don’t care if people hear me laughing out loud with my goofy laugh. I’m here. I deserve to take up space and I deserve to have a voice.

And so do you. So I think what happened 20 years ago. Was one of the better things that happened to me actually. In hindsight, it’s one of the best things that happened to me because the people who were exerting influences on me that caused me to twist myself and to not trying to please them.

They were removed out of my life, or at least to the fringes of my life. So I had the breathing space to think about. Who I really was and who I wanted to be, and I’ve spent the last 20 years on a path of personal growth and I love who I am today, and that’s not something I could say 20 years ago.

I love me and I would really love it if you could say that about yourself, that you love who you are, and if you don’t. Why is that? Are you not being true to yourself? Are you hanging out with people who are unkind or who are prone to putting you down? Are you working at a job that you absolutely hate that is not something that brings you joy, 

you get up in the morning and you dread going to work, is that being true to who you are? I’m not saying go out and quit your job tomorrow, because unfortunately we all need money, but sometimes we just get into a rut and we do the thing that we’ve always done because we’ve always done it. 

Living authentically means truly honoring yourself and who you are and your desires and those things that make you you. Those quirks, those idiosyncrasies, everybody is different. Everybody brings something to the table that’s worthwhile. And we aren’t often brought up in a way where we’re allowed to celebrate ourselves, where we’re allowed to truly examine who we are and what we wanna be, and then walk out in that.

I think that needs to change because I know a lot of women who are in their middle age or even a little older. They’re making these realizations now after they’ve raised their kids and possibly after they’ve lost a husband or they’ve had the time to be with themselves and work on themselves. And it’s a pity because if we brought our children up, teaching them in the way that they should go, teach ’em to be kind, teach them to be compassionate and empathetic.

Also to be able to turn that back on themselves, to look at themselves compassionately. Oh my goodness. That is just something that some people just are not able to do. I spoke last week about judgment and that’s one of the, Jesus said not to judge others, and there’s a reason for that. I mean, if Jesus isn’t judging you, then what right do you have to judge others?

Just because they chose a path that’s different than yours, why not seek to understand their path instead of just dismissing it? And that’s why we run into so much trouble with others who are different than us. I mean, we have had gay and trans people out there for years. They’ve always been there in our midst, but they were afraid to be their authentic selves.

Now that they are honoring themselves and honoring who they are and using their voices, it’s, it’s been a little uncomfortable for some people who just aren’t used to that. I think we should strive to have a world where people are loved for who they are and accepted for who they are. I’ve had enough of judgment in my life, and if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of any sort of bullying or mistreatment, then you know what it’s like to be judged and f lacking and being made fun for it.

So, I’m done with that and maybe you can decide to be done with it too. Anyway, the main thrust of this podcast today. Is to encourage you to be who you are and to embrace authenticity. If you are someone who is silly at heart, why not share that with people? Lord knows we need more things to laugh with each other about.

But when we’re hanging out with other people, the whole part of bringing your authentic self to the table, it’s easier to do if you know you’re going to be accepted, no matter who you show up as. And we just need so much more of that in life. We really do.

Well, that’s about all I have to say about that today. Just consider. Are you living an authentic life? And if you’re not, why not take some steps to begin to live more authentically? You’ll be much happier when you don’t hide who you are and you embrace your quirks and your idiosyncrasies and flaunt those talents.

I mean, you could be an inspiration to other people being who you truly are. But if you’re never showing that to others, how can they take inspiration from the beautiful person that you truly are within? Well, that’s all for today. I hope that you have maybe found a morsel of Windom in all that I had to say today, and that you’ll tune in next week.

So this is Dawn Stillwell, your host at donning. Telling you to have a great day, and we’ll see you next week. Bye for now.

Episode One Transcript – If You See Something Good, Say Something About It

Posted on by webladydee

Dawn Stilwell 00:05

Hello and welcome to Dawnings. I am your host, dawn Stilwell, and today we will be talking about the concept of tell them. Now, you may be familiar with Mel Robbins and her podcast, and she has a book called the Let them Theory and in a nutshell, that is about not caring so much about what other people are doing and just let them do it. An example would be oh well, your group of friends didn’t invite you to an outing and you feel bad about it, but you know what? Just let them. Your spouse comes home and says I’m leaving you, let them. The whole concept is about accepting what people are doing in your life and just letting them do it. It’s kind of a a slight tangent off of live and let live, but that’s not what the tell them concept is about. You’ve heard the saying if you see something, say something, and generally speaking, that’s about if you see something wrong, to speak up about it. But we’re going to take a little tangent off of that and we’re going to say if you see something good in someone, take the time to tell them them. So many people in this world walking through their daily lives and they are settling for crumbs of acceptance and they are longing for a kind word and I’m a huge proponent of the Be Kind movement because it costs you really nothing to be kind. But there are people out there who are literally dying for a kind word. And just think about what you could do in the community around you if you were to speak up and tell people about the good you see in them.

02:34

I grew up in a household where my mother wasn’t overly emotionally involved and I was a straight A student and I’d have done anything to get praises from her. But I’d bring home a report card full of A’s and she’d say, oh okay, that’s good, that’s nice. You know she wasn’t very raw, raw about it or anything and you that that was just her way. But it would have meant so much to myself as a child to have her say she was proud of me and give me a pat on the back and, you know, maybe give me a cookie or something. But that sort of thing happens in different ways to different people all the time, where you know they’ve done something good and somebody’s noticed it, but didn’t give them a shout out. Why don’t we give each other shout outs more often? Even in our friend groups we’re not as rah-rah and way to go as we could be. So that’s why I wanted to talk about the tell-them concept, and part of that came from this morning.

03:53

I was lying in bed with my husband and I told him that I loved him and then I told him some of the things that I loved about him and how he treats me, because we have a relationship that is based on love and respect and we know that. We know we love and respect each other. But sometimes, if you can take the time to put in the words or put into words, pardon me, the deeper feelings there and the reasons for those deeper feelings, it is such a blessing to the other person to hear that In this case, um, I, I had a first husband. That marriage didn’t work out, but Paul and I have a very good relationship and because he has loved me and accepted me with my quirks, my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, he has given me a safe space in which I feel it’s safe to grow and to bloom and to and to reach out and go for those things that I maybe didn’t feel comfortable doing a few years back, when I didn’t have as much growth and when I didn’t feel as confident in myself. He’s my safe space, he’s my safety net, and we all need that in life. We all need a person or a space where we are loved and we are accepted and we can be our authentic selves. I know I keep talking about tangents I mean, we’re not even three minutes in and I think I’ve been on four already but, tied in with the tell them concept, I think we need a space where we feel safe, and that goes for everybody.

05:58

Sometimes we have a dysfunctional childhood and we don’t have a confidence that we bring into adulthood and we spend, you know, the next few decades trying to work through all that, either on our own or with a therapist, or with our friends, or with alcohol or drugs, as the case may be. But when we have healthy relationships in our lives and we have a safe space from which to grow and to really be our authentic selves, it does something for us. I’m having a hard time putting into words but you have a place where you know I’m always going to be accepted. So it is safe for me to take risks because I have a safe space to come back to, a safe space to fall into, which is so cool. But the thing is, do we go out of our way to make safe spaces for other people? And I know that for many of us we like to think that we do, but do we? We like to think that we do, but do we? If we’ve been the type to gossip or maybe poke fun at somebody walking down the street and I don’t care who you are we have all done this.

07:29

As Brene Brown says, humans are prone to judgment because we’re just very good at it. Okay, I might have mixed up the quote, but anyways, we have a penchant for it and a lot of us try to overcome it. And part of overcoming that judgment and that bent towards that type of negativity is to really try to see more deeply into people and, you know, look for the good in them and then tell them about the good, like this could be a movement. Going back to my husband and I this morning, I mean, I told him the things that I loved about him, and that’s a little different because, generally speaking, I just tell him that I love him, but I gave him the reasons why, so that he could feel good about who he is and who he is in our relationship and who he is in my eyes and, although he didn’t say as much, he smiled and I know when he left for work this morning he was feeling good about himself and all it cost me was a little bit of thought and a few heartfelt words.

08:46

Now, what if we did that for everybody, especially the people that we love? What if we told our friends you know what? I really appreciate you. You bring something to my life that I didn’t have before, something I recognize as good, and I thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your jokes, thank you for being there for me. You are a wonderful person and I love you. Now, if someone told you that, wouldn’t that make you feel good? Wouldn’t that make you feel seen, make you feel accepted? How hard was that for me to say that to you, the listener? It wasn’t hard at all, because I have in mind the friend, several friends that I could say that to on a regular basis, every day.

09:42

The thing is, take it one step further than your friends. You see somebody out on the street do a kindness to someone else. Maybe stop and tell them. I saw what you did. I love what you did. Thank you for being you, thank you for bringing some goodness into the world and if you’re sitting there saying, oh, I can never say that to a stranger, like, or you know, hey, don, what have you been smoking today? Nobody talks like that. Well, maybe we should, maybe we should. You don’t have to go very far to find bad news. You, you know. You open up your phone, you pick up a newspaper, you look on your computer, you scroll through social media. I mean, the bad is out there and I don’t care who you are, and I don’t care who you are. It has an effect on you if you allow yourself to feed on it. So this is my rebellion against the negativity that’s out there.

10:48

If you see something good, say something to the person who did the good, because I guarantee you are going to make that person’s day, make them feel a little bit better about themselves, and the thing is, you will be an inspiration to them to do the same thing Like this. Like I said, this could be a movement, but even if it’s not, take what you’re hearing now and consider applying it to your own life, that the next time you are with someone you love or like it could be a co-worker at work and you appreciate their presence in your life for whatever they bring to your life. If you see something like that, say something to them. It should be normal to get compliments. It should be normal for people to see goodness in you and tell them that they see it and they see the good in you. So many of us walk around and we don’t feel heard and we don’t feel seen, or we’ve been slogging away through life trying to be a good person and it’s like nobody freaking cares. And the thing is, if you are one of those people that feel that way, well, if somebody came up to you and said something nice to you, wouldn’t that help change your mindset? It’s like I want to go. People, people, people. You have the power of change in your mouth, just use it. Sorry, I just went Southern Baptist on you there for a minute and please don’t be offended, southern Baptist, because I said that the thing is. Please don’t be offended, southern Baptist, because I said that the thing is.

12:42

The Bible even says the power of life and death is in the tongue. It’s Proverbs, something or other I’ll look it up later but the thing is, the power of life and death is in the tongue. So what are you going to? Speak to people. Are you going to speak life or death? Are you going to speak positivity or negativity? It costs nothing to be kind. It really doesn’t. It costs you the thought and maybe a few words. Kindness is free. It doesn’t cost you anything to be kind, but it can. I mean it might mean stepping out of your comfort zone to speak to a stranger, to say something nice. It might cost you the cost of a cup of coffee if you do that in the drive-thru and pay it forward kind of deal, but the cost is so minimal to the impact you can make in the life of another.

13:49

And I’m talking from experience, because I have lived here long enough to have experienced some pretty devastating lows in my life. And right now I’m in a really good place. But I’m in a really good place because I have worked on my positivity, and I mean that positivity goes for you too. Like you can see something and say something to somebody else about the loveliness and the kindness and the beauty that you see in them. But sometimes you got to turn that eye back on yourself and tell yourself the same thing If you see something good, say something. And yeah, I guess I am promoting talking to yourself because today I want you to have a good look at yourself wherever you are in your life, wherever you are mentally, because I think you can find something good about yourself, that you can say something good about yourself, like I like the way I treat my cat, because my cat is the most adorable, beautiful creature on earth and I mean, if that’s where you got to go to find something good, then do it.

15:13

But you can go deeper than that. I really like the way I treat my co-workers. They’re a good group and I like the way that I relate to them, or you can say, or even if it’s something as simple as I like the way I didn’t step on that spider outside today. He was just out doing his business, you know living his life, and instead of stepping on him and ending his life, I let him live, because put yourself in the spider’s shoes. You’re just like walking down the sidewalk, you know looking for breakfast and you know a big foot steps on you. I mean, what a way to end your day, right.

15:58

But the thing is we don’t like when people do that to us. We don’t like when people step on us, and I guess that’s really the heart of what I’m trying to drive home today is that we don’t like it when people are unkind, when people are cruel, when people are judgmental or nasty or take out their frustrations on us. We don’t like it. But if we don’t like it when people do it to us, well, what are you gonna do about it? You gonna let that stuff, you know, make you bitter or do you let it make you better? I choose to be better. It’s like you know what that person’s having a crap day. But you know what? I don’t have to take it personally as a matter of fact. I can turn around and I could say something kind to them.

16:50

I make a point of telling the people I see, even if it’s just on the street or the teller at the bank or the cashier at the store. I always tell them to have a great day. That is my sign-off, all my signatures in my email have a great day. Sometimes it’s have a wonderful day. Sometimes it’s have a pleasant evening. Why not speak a blessing to people? It cost me less than a second and a couple of words and a smile. If a smile is all you have to give another person, then give that.

17:30

There’s just so much that is negative going around right now with the political climate in North America, and I’m tired of reading about it, aren’t you? As a matter of fact, I tried not to read about it and I figure, if there’s anything really important in the news, my husband will tell me about it. So, yes, he gets to screen my news for me. But I don’t want to feed on all that because I want to feel good. I don’t want to feed on that because I worked hard to have a positive attitude. I want to keep it and I try to touch other people’s lives with that positivity because I know what it’s like to be in a part of my life where I didn’t have that positivity being spoken into my life. So I don’t know how much further I can take this without sounding like I’m, you know, beating on a dead donkey here, but I know for most people who are listening today, I’m sure they want a little more positivity in their life.

18:39

The Bible says you reap what you sow. So why don’t you, when you see something good, say something about it to the person that you saw doing the good? You start doing that and those kind words and actions will come back to you. Come back to you, and maybe we can make a difference in our communities, in our states or provinces, country, wild, country wild, no country wide or even worldwide. But it all starts with the mindset that I’m going to be aware and keep an eye on things and when I see something good, I’m going to say something about it. That is what I intend to do, and if I’ve inspired you to do the same, that is awesome. Well, that’s all for today, people. So keep that in mind. If you see something good, say something, and I hope you’ll tune in next time. This has been Dawn Stilwell and you are listening to Dawnings. Have a great day. Bye for now.

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