Dawn Stilwell 00:05

Hello and welcome to Dawnings. I am your host, dawn Stilwell, and today we will be talking about the concept of tell them. Now, you may be familiar with Mel Robbins and her podcast, and she has a book called the Let them Theory and in a nutshell, that is about not caring so much about what other people are doing and just let them do it. An example would be oh well, your group of friends didn’t invite you to an outing and you feel bad about it, but you know what? Just let them. Your spouse comes home and says I’m leaving you, let them. The whole concept is about accepting what people are doing in your life and just letting them do it. It’s kind of a a slight tangent off of live and let live, but that’s not what the tell them concept is about. You’ve heard the saying if you see something, say something, and generally speaking, that’s about if you see something wrong, to speak up about it. But we’re going to take a little tangent off of that and we’re going to say if you see something good in someone, take the time to tell them them. So many people in this world walking through their daily lives and they are settling for crumbs of acceptance and they are longing for a kind word and I’m a huge proponent of the Be Kind movement because it costs you really nothing to be kind. But there are people out there who are literally dying for a kind word. And just think about what you could do in the community around you if you were to speak up and tell people about the good you see in them.

02:34

I grew up in a household where my mother wasn’t overly emotionally involved and I was a straight A student and I’d have done anything to get praises from her. But I’d bring home a report card full of A’s and she’d say, oh okay, that’s good, that’s nice. You know she wasn’t very raw, raw about it or anything and you that that was just her way. But it would have meant so much to myself as a child to have her say she was proud of me and give me a pat on the back and, you know, maybe give me a cookie or something. But that sort of thing happens in different ways to different people all the time, where you know they’ve done something good and somebody’s noticed it, but didn’t give them a shout out. Why don’t we give each other shout outs more often? Even in our friend groups we’re not as rah-rah and way to go as we could be. So that’s why I wanted to talk about the tell-them concept, and part of that came from this morning.

03:53

I was lying in bed with my husband and I told him that I loved him and then I told him some of the things that I loved about him and how he treats me, because we have a relationship that is based on love and respect and we know that. We know we love and respect each other. But sometimes, if you can take the time to put in the words or put into words, pardon me, the deeper feelings there and the reasons for those deeper feelings, it is such a blessing to the other person to hear that In this case, um, I, I had a first husband. That marriage didn’t work out, but Paul and I have a very good relationship and because he has loved me and accepted me with my quirks, my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, he has given me a safe space in which I feel it’s safe to grow and to bloom and to and to reach out and go for those things that I maybe didn’t feel comfortable doing a few years back, when I didn’t have as much growth and when I didn’t feel as confident in myself. He’s my safe space, he’s my safety net, and we all need that in life. We all need a person or a space where we are loved and we are accepted and we can be our authentic selves. I know I keep talking about tangents I mean, we’re not even three minutes in and I think I’ve been on four already but, tied in with the tell them concept, I think we need a space where we feel safe, and that goes for everybody.

05:58

Sometimes we have a dysfunctional childhood and we don’t have a confidence that we bring into adulthood and we spend, you know, the next few decades trying to work through all that, either on our own or with a therapist, or with our friends, or with alcohol or drugs, as the case may be. But when we have healthy relationships in our lives and we have a safe space from which to grow and to really be our authentic selves, it does something for us. I’m having a hard time putting into words but you have a place where you know I’m always going to be accepted. So it is safe for me to take risks because I have a safe space to come back to, a safe space to fall into, which is so cool. But the thing is, do we go out of our way to make safe spaces for other people? And I know that for many of us we like to think that we do, but do we? We like to think that we do, but do we? If we’ve been the type to gossip or maybe poke fun at somebody walking down the street and I don’t care who you are we have all done this.

07:29

As Brene Brown says, humans are prone to judgment because we’re just very good at it. Okay, I might have mixed up the quote, but anyways, we have a penchant for it and a lot of us try to overcome it. And part of overcoming that judgment and that bent towards that type of negativity is to really try to see more deeply into people and, you know, look for the good in them and then tell them about the good, like this could be a movement. Going back to my husband and I this morning, I mean, I told him the things that I loved about him, and that’s a little different because, generally speaking, I just tell him that I love him, but I gave him the reasons why, so that he could feel good about who he is and who he is in our relationship and who he is in my eyes and, although he didn’t say as much, he smiled and I know when he left for work this morning he was feeling good about himself and all it cost me was a little bit of thought and a few heartfelt words.

08:46

Now, what if we did that for everybody, especially the people that we love? What if we told our friends you know what? I really appreciate you. You bring something to my life that I didn’t have before, something I recognize as good, and I thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your jokes, thank you for being there for me. You are a wonderful person and I love you. Now, if someone told you that, wouldn’t that make you feel good? Wouldn’t that make you feel seen, make you feel accepted? How hard was that for me to say that to you, the listener? It wasn’t hard at all, because I have in mind the friend, several friends that I could say that to on a regular basis, every day.

09:42

The thing is, take it one step further than your friends. You see somebody out on the street do a kindness to someone else. Maybe stop and tell them. I saw what you did. I love what you did. Thank you for being you, thank you for bringing some goodness into the world and if you’re sitting there saying, oh, I can never say that to a stranger, like, or you know, hey, don, what have you been smoking today? Nobody talks like that. Well, maybe we should, maybe we should. You don’t have to go very far to find bad news. You, you know. You open up your phone, you pick up a newspaper, you look on your computer, you scroll through social media. I mean, the bad is out there and I don’t care who you are, and I don’t care who you are. It has an effect on you if you allow yourself to feed on it. So this is my rebellion against the negativity that’s out there.

10:48

If you see something good, say something to the person who did the good, because I guarantee you are going to make that person’s day, make them feel a little bit better about themselves, and the thing is, you will be an inspiration to them to do the same thing Like this. Like I said, this could be a movement, but even if it’s not, take what you’re hearing now and consider applying it to your own life, that the next time you are with someone you love or like it could be a co-worker at work and you appreciate their presence in your life for whatever they bring to your life. If you see something like that, say something to them. It should be normal to get compliments. It should be normal for people to see goodness in you and tell them that they see it and they see the good in you. So many of us walk around and we don’t feel heard and we don’t feel seen, or we’ve been slogging away through life trying to be a good person and it’s like nobody freaking cares. And the thing is, if you are one of those people that feel that way, well, if somebody came up to you and said something nice to you, wouldn’t that help change your mindset? It’s like I want to go. People, people, people. You have the power of change in your mouth, just use it. Sorry, I just went Southern Baptist on you there for a minute and please don’t be offended, southern Baptist, because I said that the thing is. Please don’t be offended, southern Baptist, because I said that the thing is.

12:42

The Bible even says the power of life and death is in the tongue. It’s Proverbs, something or other I’ll look it up later but the thing is, the power of life and death is in the tongue. So what are you going to? Speak to people. Are you going to speak life or death? Are you going to speak positivity or negativity? It costs nothing to be kind. It really doesn’t. It costs you the thought and maybe a few words. Kindness is free. It doesn’t cost you anything to be kind, but it can. I mean it might mean stepping out of your comfort zone to speak to a stranger, to say something nice. It might cost you the cost of a cup of coffee if you do that in the drive-thru and pay it forward kind of deal, but the cost is so minimal to the impact you can make in the life of another.

13:49

And I’m talking from experience, because I have lived here long enough to have experienced some pretty devastating lows in my life. And right now I’m in a really good place. But I’m in a really good place because I have worked on my positivity, and I mean that positivity goes for you too. Like you can see something and say something to somebody else about the loveliness and the kindness and the beauty that you see in them. But sometimes you got to turn that eye back on yourself and tell yourself the same thing If you see something good, say something. And yeah, I guess I am promoting talking to yourself because today I want you to have a good look at yourself wherever you are in your life, wherever you are mentally, because I think you can find something good about yourself, that you can say something good about yourself, like I like the way I treat my cat, because my cat is the most adorable, beautiful creature on earth and I mean, if that’s where you got to go to find something good, then do it.

15:13

But you can go deeper than that. I really like the way I treat my co-workers. They’re a good group and I like the way that I relate to them, or you can say, or even if it’s something as simple as I like the way I didn’t step on that spider outside today. He was just out doing his business, you know living his life, and instead of stepping on him and ending his life, I let him live, because put yourself in the spider’s shoes. You’re just like walking down the sidewalk, you know looking for breakfast and you know a big foot steps on you. I mean, what a way to end your day, right.

15:58

But the thing is we don’t like when people do that to us. We don’t like when people step on us, and I guess that’s really the heart of what I’m trying to drive home today is that we don’t like it when people are unkind, when people are cruel, when people are judgmental or nasty or take out their frustrations on us. We don’t like it. But if we don’t like it when people do it to us, well, what are you gonna do about it? You gonna let that stuff, you know, make you bitter or do you let it make you better? I choose to be better. It’s like you know what that person’s having a crap day. But you know what? I don’t have to take it personally as a matter of fact. I can turn around and I could say something kind to them.

16:50

I make a point of telling the people I see, even if it’s just on the street or the teller at the bank or the cashier at the store. I always tell them to have a great day. That is my sign-off, all my signatures in my email have a great day. Sometimes it’s have a wonderful day. Sometimes it’s have a pleasant evening. Why not speak a blessing to people? It cost me less than a second and a couple of words and a smile. If a smile is all you have to give another person, then give that.

17:30

There’s just so much that is negative going around right now with the political climate in North America, and I’m tired of reading about it, aren’t you? As a matter of fact, I tried not to read about it and I figure, if there’s anything really important in the news, my husband will tell me about it. So, yes, he gets to screen my news for me. But I don’t want to feed on all that because I want to feel good. I don’t want to feed on that because I worked hard to have a positive attitude. I want to keep it and I try to touch other people’s lives with that positivity because I know what it’s like to be in a part of my life where I didn’t have that positivity being spoken into my life. So I don’t know how much further I can take this without sounding like I’m, you know, beating on a dead donkey here, but I know for most people who are listening today, I’m sure they want a little more positivity in their life.

18:39

The Bible says you reap what you sow. So why don’t you, when you see something good, say something about it to the person that you saw doing the good? You start doing that and those kind words and actions will come back to you. Come back to you, and maybe we can make a difference in our communities, in our states or provinces, country, wild, country wild, no country wide or even worldwide. But it all starts with the mindset that I’m going to be aware and keep an eye on things and when I see something good, I’m going to say something about it. That is what I intend to do, and if I’ve inspired you to do the same, that is awesome. Well, that’s all for today, people. So keep that in mind. If you see something good, say something, and I hope you’ll tune in next time. This has been Dawn Stilwell and you are listening to Dawnings. Have a great day. Bye for now.

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